Blog Post #4: "College Pressures"

First and foremost, I would say that I have dealt with economic pressures in college. Going to school is no easy task when you are paying for it yourself, and I have the added pressure of having to work full time to support myself and my son, as I am a single mother. Even though I am covering my tuition with student loans, those loans will have to be paid back someday. Therefore, they are continuously looming overhead, even when I would like to forget them. I just have to hope and pray that whatever job I attain after college comes with a nice enough salary to pay them off without being too financially stressed. I do full a great deal of pressure to succeed, because I know that if I don't, I have landed myself in a heap of debt for no reason. I worry a lot about the future and what comes after I graduate. At times, I even fear graduation because that marks the beginning of a new life. I know it to be a life that will reflect my academic performance, for better or for worse.

Thankfully, I never really had to deal with parental pressures when it came to college. I have wonderful parents who never once have tried to live their lives through me or pressure me into doing something I don't want to do. They emphasize the fact that this is all my choice, and that I can be whatever I want to be in life. They are a great support system to me, even if my dad does like to throw in a little dig every once in awhile about how crooked many politicians become.

I feel that I am slightly past the age of having peer pressures. The only time I ever had a roommate in college was my freshman year at the University of Kansas, and she ended up being a dropout. She was also never home, so I never worried about what she was or wasn't doing with her studies. I am currently twenty five, and most of my peers are either done with college, or didn't go to college. I can look at that in one of two ways. I can feel inadequate, because I am still attending college. If I had never taken time off, I would have been done with law school by now. I could be in a career I like, or even love. At this point, I will likely be thirty by the time I am done with school. Occasionally, I let my mind go into self-pity mode and lament my choices. However, I prefer the more positive outlook. So many people I know either did not go to college, and are stuck at low paying jobs. I have many friends who are single mothers, who have no desire to go to school, and are happy with their position in life. I feel proud of myself for going after my dreams. So, I do not really worry about my peers. I worry about myself and my own progress.

I also try not to worry about what society tells me is the right thing to do, or the right thing to be. I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was in middle school. There was never any other choice for me. It had nothing to do with salary or power, but rather the ability to use my mind. I love the idea of presenting an argument, and at the same time negating your opponent's. It is like a game of the minds. You have to think of what your opponent is going to say before they say it, disprove it, then prove your own points. You also have to think of ways they can disprove what you are going to say, and counteract that. It is a profession that scares me and thrills me, and I can't wait to be able to be a part of it.

My largest pressure currently aside from economic pressures is just pressures related to time. This does include work. As I said before, I do have to work full time in order to support my family. At my current job, I work 8 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. Most of my upper level classes are not online, and not available as night or weekend classes. A deadline is getting closer and closer in my mind, and I know I'm going to have to figure out how to manage life with another job. I'm also fully aware that I am not going to be able to work in law school. Every time I allow myself to think about it, I feel a sense of panic coming on. In order to deal with all of these pressures, I try to just take it day by day, and hope for the best. It is easy to let pressure get to you and allow it to doubt yourself and everything you are doing. Unfortunately, in the past, some of these issues have affected my college performance. I have learned from the past and learned from the things I am doing, and I know that I have to make school a priority second only to my son. I take things as they come, class by class, and I do not allow myself to become overwhelmed. Controlling my mind in this way is definitely a work in progress, and I grow better at it each day. No matter what happens, I know I will succeed because I will never give up.

Blog Post #3: "University Days"

I first have to note that I really enjoyed James Thurber's "University Days." There were a couple of times I actually laughed out loud. Thurber had a way of describing things that made the reader put themselves in his shoes. And I am realizing how much I have missed reading. I have always loved English and Literature classes because you are assigned to read things that you never would have read otherwise, but find that you really enjoyed. All of that aside, I have to say that I haven't really struggled in any immense way with any college course I have taken so far. The closest of these would have to be College Algebra. Up until now, almost all of the college courses I have taken so far have been online.

However, my first semester at college was when I was 18, and only a college freshman. I was completely oblivious to the way that universities sometimes use Teaching Assistants to teach courses, due to the numbers of students that had to take these introductory courses. I entered my College Algebra class and learned that my instructor was from Africa and spoke French. I also realized I could only understand about every other word she said. She sometimes would stop and ask us what word she was thinking of. We had no idea. I felt pretty terrible that I couldn't understand her, but it also definitely did not help that she had such a soft voice. It is important to note that math has never really been my strong point. I can definitely learn it if I pay attention and really focus on it, but it has always been my subject of least interest. So this class was an unfortunate combination of the instructor's inability to communicate with us, and my lack of inclination to take the initiative to dig into the text myself. Soon after beginning the class, I realized that I was pretty much trying to teach myself math. I would sit in class and stare at the teacher and what she was writing on the board, and try my hardest to understand her. Occasionally, I would look up and realize that my classmates seemed to be having the same dilemma. I ended up having to re-take the class, and interestingly enough, I took it online. Which meant I was again pretty much teaching myself math from the text books. Thankfully, this time I got through it by sheer willpower, and am officially done with all required math courses. I am thankful not to have to repeat the experience again.

Blog Post #2: "On Keeping a Notebook"

I found Joan Didion's essay to be very interesting. A notebook is incredibly personal in my opinion. When she describes hers, we find that it probably would not make sense to other people. In fact, the people in her life strongly disagree with what she says at times, and other times simply question the details. She writes little blurbs of information that seem to make no sense, but when she thinks about it, she remembers a time that was important to her. She remembers her frame of mind and how she felt. She remembers who she was. We all change so much over time. I do not currently keep a notebook, but I did for a couple of years when I was a moody pre-teen. I recently looked back over what I wrote, and I realized that I am a completely different person now. How nice it would be to have my biggest woes of the time be my only cares! Keeping a diary at the time felt like an expression of myself. It was not intended for others to read, but was rather an outlet for all that I was feeling. Therefore, I do not believe that keeping a notebook is narcissistic.

In a way, I guess it is about keeping in touch with who you once were. It is easy to be swept back to a time in the past when you look over what you wrote in a notebook or diary. I made the decision to throw away my old diaries. Actually, I shredded them. I saw who I used to be and was glad that I had grown into the person I am now. There were some fond memories and thoughts associated with that past, but I no longer found it necessary to keep in touch with my old self. I remember who I was and how I felt. I have a very vivid memory, and remember small details about long ago in my past that keep it all fresh in my mind. There is no need to look to the past, because everything about who I was then and all the decisions a made in my past made me who I am today. I know this.

The great thing about time is that not only do we change as we grow, but so does society and technology. We have this great thing now called social media that did not exist in Didion's world. Or perhaps it is a curse, as it is all the more permanent. Now rather than writing in diaries, we make status updates. We blog. We tweet. In a way, this is quite the same as keeping a notebook. We are expressing ourselves. We share quotes and songs we love, we tell the world how we are feeling, and we tell of great experiences. Maybe we are not as open with the public as we would be in an actual notebook. Maybe we don't share quite as much or share our deeper feelings or secrets. However, I do know those who seem to use Facebook as their notebook. They share all their business, even things that would be best kept in secret. These social media are our outlet to the outside world. It tells our friends and family and those we would like to know just who we are. In a less extreme way, it accomplishes the same thing. I would say that this is much more narcissistic than keeping a notebook in traditional sense, because everything you post is telling the world, "I want you to know this." The great thing is that whether you keep a notebook, or a Facebook, the end result is the same. We still have an outlet to express who we are, and to create memories.

Introduction

Hello! My name is Morgan Brown and I although I am classified as a junior, this is my first Semester at Washburn. I transferred from Allen County Community College, where I completed Associates Degrees in Arts and General Studies. My major is Communications with a Legal Emphasis, and I intend to attend law school after I attain my Bachelor's Degree. I am currently attending school 3/4 time, and will be a full-time student next semester.


I have lived in Topeka my entire life, and graduated from Cair Paravel Latin School in 2004. I have a full time job as Warranty Administrator at Laird Noller Ford, where I have worked for over three years. School and work keep my plenty busy, but I consider the most important part of my life to be my son. I am lucky enough to be mother to a wonderful little boy named Jordan, who will be five in December. He is absolutely wonderful, and my primary motivation in continuing my education. I have been a single mother for a year now, and am finding it very challenging balancing my time between my obligations and what I want to be doing. I spend every moment I have my son spending time with him, and with what little spare time I have I do homework and work overtime. If I manage to find a little extra spare time, I also enjoy volleyball, working out, and just spending time with friends and family.


Previous to formally declaring myself a communications major, I had decided to be an English major. English has always been my favorite subject, because it is the one that comes most naturally to me. I am actually looking forward to this class, and am excited to read some of the literature we have assigned, and get back into the swing of being a full-time student.