One More Personal Narrative - Notaro

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

The introduction is grabbing, if for no other reason than its format is so different than you normally see on a narrative. The first paragraph is only one sentence. We do wonder what the writer is talking about and what basket has been passed. It is sort of a nice change from the large blocks of text that normally make up an introduction. We continue reading and wonder what obligation the writer is in for.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story?

The story focuses on her grandfather's illness and the resulting mayhem. It is obvious the writer's grandfather is an interesting character, and this event in particular helps us to see just who he is.

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them?

There aren't many details that allow us to smell. There are some visual details that help us to envision the scene, but the dominant sensory detail is the ability to hear the characters he describes. There is quite a bit of dialogue that allows us the ability to picture his grandfather. Most of us have at least had run ins with people like that, and many have family members like that ourselves. We can see this man as outspoken and loud, having an opinion on everything, and not taking no for an answer. You can almost hear him berating the grocery store workers, and I had to laugh at imagining the workers clearing out when they saw him coming.

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality?

Dialogue is abundant in this narrative, especially between the writer and Pop Pop. It clearly reveals both of their personalities.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives?

If we haven't watched a scene like this unfold, chances are we have encountered someone like Notaro's grandfather. I related this because I worked at a grocery store once. You began to recognize customers, and knew the ones that would give you a hard time. There are always people trying to tell you how to do your job, and it makes you question why they don't just do it themselves. I also have family members who are very opinionated in this way. While they never actually berate the workers or say anything negative while in the store, I usually have to hear about what they did wrong when we leave. This narrative was very entertaining.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir?

I don't know that I feel this narrative described an experience who shaped who the writer has become. But you can see that the author and Pop Pop are close and know each other well. Notaro knows exactly how her grandmother is going to respond to the haul. I think that the focus is less on this particular incident and more on her Pop Pop himself. This incident simply serves to paint a clear picture of who he is, and is more significant to her grandfather than to herself. However, we see that she got to be a part of what is undoubtedly one of the more significant outings her grandfather had. We get the feeling that this experience bonded them, and will be retold time and time again. It was memorable for them both.

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story?

The fact that the writer tells her grandfather that his wife is going to be mad, and he just laughs reinforces the relationships that have been described throughout the narratives. Pop Pop does what he wants because that's just who he is, and no matter how strange his actions are, they all love him anyway. For me it served as sort of a reminder that no matter who you encounter, remember that they are or have been loved. They have family and feelings and everyone should be treated with care, no matter what the situation is.

Another Personal Narrative - White

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

The introduction is not really grabbing per se, but it is interesting. We can see that the reader has not been to Maine in a long time, and that he now prefers salt water to fresh water. He notes that there is no place like Maine, and since we recognize the time since he has been, we wonder what could be so special about this place. The only positive things he notes about the trip is the placidity of the water and that the trip was a success. The reader wonders what could be so successful about ringworm and ending up in the water with clothing on. Despite all of this, the writer still feels a strong urge to return to the place of his childhood trips. So I was interested to continue reading.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story?

The writer does focus on a series of significant events in his life. The narrative revolved around a trip to Maine with his son, where he reflected on how things were similar and different from the way they used to be.

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them?

This narrative is absolutely packed with sensory details. You can hear, smell, feel, and see all of the details of this trip almost as if it is first hand. The writer includes a great deal of descriptive adjectives in his narrative, which allow the reader's mind to be swept off to this haven.

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality?

The writer does not include speech or dialogue, but the focus is not on individual characters neccesarily, aside from himself and his son. He reveals them to seem like one and the same and reflects on how he is viewing his son as if it is he himself that he is watching. He reveals how he somehow has turned into his father, but that the feeling he gets from this place is the same. Their location is the focus, and he spends most of his time painting a picture of Maine for the reader.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives?

The story is definitely relatable, despite the timeline the story provides for us. This all happened so long ago, but so many of us can remember taking trips with their family as kids. It is a strange feeling when we realize that we have turned into our parents and how so many of the things we say and do we remember from our parents when we were kids. The focus is on this place, but we can all relate to vivid memories and reliving our past. Some of us have even taken our kids back to the places from our past, and it is a joy to watch them interact with the same things we remember interacting with as kids. Even if the reader did not take trips as a kids, we can all see how things have changed from when we were children, and how some things have not changed at all.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir?

The significance of this place to the writer is obvious. We can see how the writer's memories of the place as a child and the present trip all blur into one. Taking the trip back to Maine allows the writer to relive his childhood, but through different eyes. He has become his father and he seems to realize how his father must have felt, and why they continued to make that trip year after year. We have a sense that this trip will not be a one time event for White. He describes the changes that he notices in this place, but for him they do not matter. It is still the same place. The changes remind us that we are in the present, and make him realize his place as the patriarch in the family rather than the boy.

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story?

I thought the ending of the story was a little odd. However, it did reinforce the point of the story. He was reliving his childhood through his boy to the point of almost being able to feel a chill he was not experiencing himself. His son was having the same trip that he had as a boy. We realize that time passes and changes so many things, but that not everything changes.

Diving into Personal Narratives - Sedaris

Does the writer provide an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention?

To be honest, I was not all that interested in the rest of the narrative after reading the introduction. I could see the humor in a forty-one year old having discounts for movies, puppets, and amusement parks, but I felt it was a little unspecific. I was unsure of where Sedaris was attending school, why he was attending school, and what his textbook considered a "true debutant" to be. However, after the first paragraph, the reader is quickly able to get into the story.

Does the writer focus on significant events in his or her life rather than trying to narrate his or her entire life’s story?

He focused mainly on his time in his French class in Paris, with minimal commentary on events outside of the classroom. These events served to emphasize how out of his element the writer was with this new language.

Do the descriptions of the characters or important objects in the memoirs include sensory details that help readers to visualize, hear, smell or feel them?

I cannot visualize his teacher, except that she was tan. However, I had a distinct sense of who she was and I could almost hear her abusing the students. He describes his fellow students as well, and we can form a picture of who they might be. He does not include many details on physical appearance, but instead focuses on each person's background and gives an account of how they present themselves to the class. His descriptions of them seem to be a little fuzzy in order to emphasize how lost he felt at the time. He could not understand all of what was being said, and they were all struggling to come up with things to say that not only answered the questions, but that they could actually say adequately. In this way, the focus becomes the teacher and how crazy she was.

Has the writer quoted speech or dialogue so as to reveal some important aspect of a character’s personality?

The writer quoted quite a bit of speech, which revealed important aspects of each character's personality.

Does the writer narrate or describe events in a way that allows readers to connect them to experiences or relationships in their own lives?

After what I felt was a slow start, I was definitely drawn into the story. Many people can relate to having a teacher who is overly harsh. And all of us at one point have been out of our element. As more and more of the teacher's character is revealed, the reader connects more and more to the narrative.

Has the writer explained the significance of the people, events, places, or objects in shaping who he or she has become? Does this explanation make sense in relation to the events, people, places, and things described throughout the memoir?

The reader shows us that the abuse he suffered from this teacher makes his desire to learn greater. He realizes towards the end of the narrative that he can at least understand all of what the teacher is saying, rather than just bits and pieces. The teacher made him study harder and become more desperate to prove his worth in the French language. This explanation does make sense, as all of the preceding text leads us up to this point.  

Does the writer provide a conclusion that reinforces the point of the story?

The conclusion does reinforce the point of the story. The abuse of the teacher resulted in Sedaris working harder to learn the language. He finds that he can understand all of what the teacher is saying, and even welcomes more abuse so he can learn more.

Sentence Variety

Original Paragraph:

Sam got in her car. She drove to the mall. She went to the shoe store. She bought a pair of boots. She bought a shoeshine kit. Sam went to the food court. She bought a burrito. The burrito had onions and peppers on it. Sam ate the burrito. Sam saw a cute boy. He was at the pretzel stand. The boy looked at Sam. Sam blushed. The boy walked over to Sam. Sam said hi. The boy wrinkled up his nose. Sam was confused. Sam said hi again. The boy gagged. The boy walked away. Sam was shocked. Sam realized she had bad breath. Sam ran to the bathroom. Sam cried. She put on her new boots. She shined her new boots. Sam walked out of the bathroom. Sam was confident. Sam found the boy. Sam told him he needed manners. Sam kicked him. She used her new boots. The boy fell to the ground. Sam walked away. Sam walked out of the mall.

Rewritten Paragraph:

Sam got in her car to go to the shoe store at the mall. When she arrived, she bought a pair of boots and a shoeshine kit. Sam then went to the food court where she ate a burrito with onions and peppers. After she finished eating, Sam saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand. Sam blushed when the boy looked at her, and so he walked over to her. Sam was very confused, because when she said hi the boy wrinkled up his nose. So she said hi again. Sam was shocked that the boy gagged and walked away. She then realized she had bad breath and ran to the bathroom to cry. Sam put on her new boots, shined them, and walked out of the bathroom with confidence. After finding the boy again, Sam told him he needed manners. She kicked him with her new boots, and he fell to the ground. Sam turned and walked out of the mall.

Mechanics

I have the most trouble with keeping related words together. I normally write based on what sounds and feels natural to me, rather than consciously placing my words together. Rule 20 explains that badly placed words result in confusion and ambiguity. Some of the sections within this rule come naturally to me, such as not placing phrases or clauses in between the noun and the verb. However, placing a relative pronoun after its antecedent is something that I will have to make a conscience effort to do. In order to become better at my weak point and to make sentences that are more concise, I will pay special attention to the structure of my sentences and remember these rules.

The principle that I am strongest at is keeping to one tense. Before I begin writing, I take note of what tense I will be using in my paper. I then take a mental note of which words not to use, and therefore keeping with one tense becomes easier.

Summary Revision Checklist

1. What is the thesis statement? Is it an accurate reflection of the author’s thesis statement? Is it stated in your own words? How could you refine it to be more clear and concise? 

Zinsser’s essay reveals to parents the four main ailments that college students today face, which are economic, parental, peer, and self-induced pressures.

It is in my own words. I feel that it is a little long, but that all of the information is neccesary for the thesis statement.

2. How is the essay introduced? Do you mention the article’s title, author, purpose and audience? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved?

I introduced the essay by relating it to the reader of my summary. I mentioned the article, author, purpose, and audience. It clearly discusses what the paper will include.

3. What are the main points of the summary? How do you recognize them? Do you leave out minor points and repetitive points for emphasis? Most importantly, do you leave out your own opinion, feelings or conclusions on the subject of the article?

It was organized as follows: Introduction, including thesis, economic pressures, parental pressures, peer pressures, self-induced pressures, and conclusion. I covered only the main points form the essay and was not repetitive. I feel that I did not include any of my own opinions, but rather covered the points the author was trying to make. My own feelings and conclusions are left out of the summary.

4. How is the essay organized? Does it follow the organization of the original article? What transitions do you use? Think of some additional possibilities for more logical organization.

The essay is organized by introduction, which included the thesis, the four main points, and then a conclusion. The pressures were stated in order as found in the original essay. I feel I took steps to make sure that each paragraph flowed into the next.

5. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic and focus of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? How is that effective or not?

Yes. The essay is concluded by discussing the point Zinsser made with the essay, which was his final conclusion. I did not simply repeat information, and therefore I feel that my conclusion was effective.

6. Make sure to fix any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors.

This is done.

7. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

I went through my paper and reworded a few of the repetitiveness and awkward sentences. I feel this gave it a much better flow.

8. Were the textual passages (quotes and paraphrases) well-chosen? Remember you should try avoiding direct quotations when writing a summary.

Only a partial sentence was directly quoted, and the rest was all put into my own words.

9. Is the essay written in third-person? Are all instances of first- and second-person removed from the piece?

Yes, they are.

10. Is the draft two to three (2-3) pages typed, double-spaced? Are all the margins one inch (1”)?

My answer is yes to all of the above questions.