Sentence Variety

Original Paragraph:

Sam got in her car. She drove to the mall. She went to the shoe store. She bought a pair of boots. She bought a shoeshine kit. Sam went to the food court. She bought a burrito. The burrito had onions and peppers on it. Sam ate the burrito. Sam saw a cute boy. He was at the pretzel stand. The boy looked at Sam. Sam blushed. The boy walked over to Sam. Sam said hi. The boy wrinkled up his nose. Sam was confused. Sam said hi again. The boy gagged. The boy walked away. Sam was shocked. Sam realized she had bad breath. Sam ran to the bathroom. Sam cried. She put on her new boots. She shined her new boots. Sam walked out of the bathroom. Sam was confident. Sam found the boy. Sam told him he needed manners. Sam kicked him. She used her new boots. The boy fell to the ground. Sam walked away. Sam walked out of the mall.

Rewritten Paragraph:

Sam got in her car to go to the shoe store at the mall. When she arrived, she bought a pair of boots and a shoeshine kit. Sam then went to the food court where she ate a burrito with onions and peppers. After she finished eating, Sam saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand. Sam blushed when the boy looked at her, and so he walked over to her. Sam was very confused, because when she said hi the boy wrinkled up his nose. So she said hi again. Sam was shocked that the boy gagged and walked away. She then realized she had bad breath and ran to the bathroom to cry. Sam put on her new boots, shined them, and walked out of the bathroom with confidence. After finding the boy again, Sam told him he needed manners. She kicked him with her new boots, and he fell to the ground. Sam turned and walked out of the mall.