First and foremost, I would say that I have dealt with economic pressures in college. Going to school is no easy task when you are paying for it yourself, and I have the added pressure of having to work full time to support myself and my son, as I am a single mother. Even though I am covering my tuition with student loans, those loans will have to be paid back someday. Therefore, they are continuously looming overhead, even when I would like to forget them. I just have to hope and pray that whatever job I attain after college comes with a nice enough salary to pay them off without being too financially stressed. I do full a great deal of pressure to succeed, because I know that if I don't, I have landed myself in a heap of debt for no reason. I worry a lot about the future and what comes after I graduate. At times, I even fear graduation because that marks the beginning of a new life. I know it to be a life that will reflect my academic performance, for better or for worse.
Thankfully, I never really had to deal with parental pressures when it came to college. I have wonderful parents who never once have tried to live their lives through me or pressure me into doing something I don't want to do. They emphasize the fact that this is all my choice, and that I can be whatever I want to be in life. They are a great support system to me, even if my dad does like to throw in a little dig every once in awhile about how crooked many politicians become.
I feel that I am slightly past the age of having peer pressures. The only time I ever had a roommate in college was my freshman year at the University of Kansas, and she ended up being a dropout. She was also never home, so I never worried about what she was or wasn't doing with her studies. I am currently twenty five, and most of my peers are either done with college, or didn't go to college. I can look at that in one of two ways. I can feel inadequate, because I am still attending college. If I had never taken time off, I would have been done with law school by now. I could be in a career I like, or even love. At this point, I will likely be thirty by the time I am done with school. Occasionally, I let my mind go into self-pity mode and lament my choices. However, I prefer the more positive outlook. So many people I know either did not go to college, and are stuck at low paying jobs. I have many friends who are single mothers, who have no desire to go to school, and are happy with their position in life. I feel proud of myself for going after my dreams. So, I do not really worry about my peers. I worry about myself and my own progress.
I also try not to worry about what society tells me is the right thing to do, or the right thing to be. I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was in middle school. There was never any other choice for me. It had nothing to do with salary or power, but rather the ability to use my mind. I love the idea of presenting an argument, and at the same time negating your opponent's. It is like a game of the minds. You have to think of what your opponent is going to say before they say it, disprove it, then prove your own points. You also have to think of ways they can disprove what you are going to say, and counteract that. It is a profession that scares me and thrills me, and I can't wait to be able to be a part of it.
My largest pressure currently aside from economic pressures is just pressures related to time. This does include work. As I said before, I do have to work full time in order to support my family. At my current job, I work 8 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. Most of my upper level classes are not online, and not available as night or weekend classes. A deadline is getting closer and closer in my mind, and I know I'm going to have to figure out how to manage life with another job. I'm also fully aware that I am not going to be able to work in law school. Every time I allow myself to think about it, I feel a sense of panic coming on. In order to deal with all of these pressures, I try to just take it day by day, and hope for the best. It is easy to let pressure get to you and allow it to doubt yourself and everything you are doing. Unfortunately, in the past, some of these issues have affected my college performance. I have learned from the past and learned from the things I am doing, and I know that I have to make school a priority second only to my son. I take things as they come, class by class, and I do not allow myself to become overwhelmed. Controlling my mind in this way is definitely a work in progress, and I grow better at it each day. No matter what happens, I know I will succeed because I will never give up.
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